Characters:
Rachel: Aged mid-thirties at the start of the play.
Dan: Rachel's cousin, two years older than her.
Jack: Rachel's fiance.
Annie: Jack's younger sister, aged late-twenties.
ACT ONE: SCENE ONE
The stage is dark. Sound effects, general party hubbub -
people chattering, glasses clinking.
LIGHTS UP.
Sound effects fade out.
Dan and Rachel are standing at opposite sides of the stage,
each holding a drink. Rachel is also holding a plate. They
talk alternately to invisible actors and move around the
stage as they do so, as if moving from one speaker to
another.
Spotlight changes between them as they have their turn.
RACHEL
Oh she's lovely isn't she? Aunt
Jean showed me the photos. She
looks just like her dad - without
the big nose.
(brief pause while she
listens to reply;
laughter)
I know, I know. Don't tell him I
said it.
DAN
Well, I've been there about seven
years now. Absolutely fabulous.
Apartment by the river, ten
minutes walk from the office,
everything you could want nearby -
gym, restaurants - Chinese,
Italian, Russian, Korean even.
You name it.
(pause to listen)
No, that's a myth: cats maybe.
RACHEL
Eight years, and I've passed all
my exams to level three, so I can
audit customer accounts, but I'm
not a fully qualified accountant.
I wish.
(pause to listen)
No, it's okay. It's a small
company and we all know each
other so... But what about you, I
heard that you were out the fish
business?
DAN
Seventy, eighty, two hundred -
three-hundred and fifty four. Any
number you can think of.
RACHEL
(concerned)
Oh my god, really? I heard she'd
been ill. It's strange isn't it,
how fast it progresses. Remember
great aunt Rose, she got it
didn't she?
DAN
Chief Analyst for the European
section. If I play my cards
right, I'll be Director of
Finance.
(pause)
It's big, but I can handle it.
RACHEL
She just started shaking one day.
Uncle Tom said that she spilled
the sugar and he laughed at her
and she started crying - he
hadn't noticed until then.
(pause)
Well, that's it. The men were
never around were they, in those
days, so he wouldn't have
noticed.
DAN
Two and half million euro. And
they moved it between fourteen
jurisdictions so there was no way
we could trace it back.
(pause)
Nobody gets away with it in the
end. We always find them. We have
the best fraud division
Stateside.
RACHEL
Look there she is over there,
talking to uncle Eddy. What's he
doing now?
(pause)
Retired? Uncled Eddy. God, that
makes me feel old.
DAN
(conspiratorially and
slightly macho)
Not New York women - I don't
bother with them.
They're too hard. Honestly, all
this bullshit you hear about
millions of single women looking
for an elegible man - forget it.
They've got a shopping list as
long as your arm and if you don't
match on every item, you're
wasting your money. US-Asians,
first generation - take it from
me, they're innocent, they're
naive, they know what they want.
Beautiful, beautiful women -
those high cheekbones.
RACHEL
He was going to come but he's
speaking at a conference.
(pause)
Senior Lecturer in Politics.
DAN
I know she's here because I saw
her at the buffet.
(he looks around)
She's over there. No doubt we'll
bump in to each other.
(pause)
I'm two years older than her, so
that would make her - hang on,
I'm giving it away now - thirty
five. She's looking good for
thirty-five.
RACHEL
The last time I saw you was just
before Dan left for New York and
you were about to retire, I
think. No, not retire, get
divorced.
DAN
I get back about twice a year, on
business, but I don't see the
family that much, to tell you the
truth. There's so many of them
that if I see one and not the
others, I end up upsetting
someone, so I think it's best to
wait until occasions like this
and catch up with everyone in one
go.
(pause)
That's right - I'm so bloody busy
when I do come back.
RACHEL
What star sign are you?
(pause)
Aquarius. In Chinese, you'd be
the year of the Ram.
DAN
So they strap this guy on to the
back of a camel - literally, tie
him down - and then one of the
natives takes this stick and
gives it a real whack, and off he
goes. We're all standing around
pissing ourselves with laughter.
This poor guy, when he gets back
to work, we've got the pictures
up on the wall, everything.
RACHEL
(counts on her fingers)
Intuition, femininity,
compassion, and...
DAN
How many kids have you got now?
Last time we met, you had one boy
and one girl. What was her name?
(pause)
Emily. And the boy?
RACHEL
You like art. That was the fifth
thing. I knew there was another.
(pause)
Do they do that rubbing on your
back thing? I had that in
Indonesia - it's brilliant, isn't
it, you just feel all your energy
going up your spine and stopping
in your head.
DAN
I don't believe in computers. I
have to use them, obviously. But
a computer can't tell you what
somebody is thinking. You have to
sit down face to face for that.
It's all become too... too...
(pause)
That's right. So, let me write
that down: ProbeIT dot com -
okay, I'll have a look at it.
They get closer on the stage.
RACHEL
I had this weird dream in which
you, me, Suzanne, Dan, and
someone else were in the swimming
baths - remember, the outdoor
ones we used to go to every
summer? - and Mister Kinshaw was
there and he tried to make us
drink all the water, and you hit
him. Well, you would do that
wouldn't you. And then we were in
Cornwall at your grandmother's
house and everyone was...
(she whispers in the
speakers ear)
Honestly. It's crazy isn't it. I
wonder if it means anything?
DAN
Everybody says that about old
Cyril, but I liked him. I never
found him difficult. He was
always nice to me.
(pause)
But that was after he got cancer -
his jaw came out like that, and
it spread to his liver.
(pause)
No, not his jaw, the cancer.
You'd be bad tempered, wouldn't
you.
They back in to each other and Rachel drops her plate,
which breaks.
RACHEL
Argh... shit!
She bends down to pick it up.
DAN
Opps, sorry.
(realises it's Rachel)
Hiya Rach - it would have to be
you. I'm sorry, let me help you.
He bends down to help her.
DAN (cont'd)
I was just talking about you to
auntie Jean. I saw you loading up
at the buffet.
RACHEL
Thank you - I was not loading up.
She puts the broken plate on the side.
RACHEL (cont'd)
Right, that was inauspicious -
let's start again.
They have a big hug.
DAN
Mmm, you smell gorgeous. What is
it?
RACHEL
Mine's Chanel number 5. What's
yours?
DAN
That's my natural aroma.
RACHEL
Of course, I forgot.
DAN
Shall we go outside, get away
from the zoo?
RACHEL
(linking arms)
Come on. So tell me all your
news, I haven't seen you since,
when?
DAN
I don't know - since I went to
New York, probably. seven years?
RACHEL
Seven years. Why did you stop
phoning me, you bugger?
DAN
I got distracted by all that New
York has to offer. And I have
been busy you know.
RACHEL
Too busy for your own cousin.
DAN
I'm not picking on you. I haven't
seen anyone, apart from mum and
dad.
RACHEL
Where is your dad?
They look back through the window.
RACHEL (cont'd)
Oh, he's dancing with my mum.
He's got his hand on her bum.
DAN
That's not her bum. That's her...
lower back.
RACHEL
Oh really? Look how his fingers
are spread out so that his little
finger is just creeping onto her
bum. It's creeping down, creeping
down - it's almost at the
'shouldn't be there' area.
DAN
No it isn't. Let me look! Oh
well, he always was a ladies man.
Do you remember some of the
parties they had when we were
young.
RACHEL
And we used to go around taking
sips out of all their drinks.
DAN
Some of the things they got up to
then, it makes me wonder.
RACHEL
You see things that you don't
understand at the time and then
later on you realise what they
meant. Remember that time I saw
aunt Carole in my bedroom with
that bloke who used to fix your
dad's car.
DAN
Tony Marcade.
RACHEL
That's him. I just go waltzing
back in to the lounge and say,
"Aunt Carole and Tony are in my
bedroom." Do you remember?
DAN
I do. Great days.
RACHEL
We were inseparable then.
DAN
We used to finish each other's...
RACHEL
Dinner?
DAN
Sentences.
Long pause.
DAN (cont'd)
You look great.
RACHEL
Thankyou. I work at it.
(embarrassed pause)
So how's New York?
DAN
New York is fan-tastic. I have an
apartment in Manhattan, which is
only fifteen minutes walk from my
office. There's a gym and a
swimming pool in the basement and
a deli on the ground floor, an
Italian restaurant on the corner,
a Chinese restaurant on the other
corner. Everything is within
walking distance. What more could
anyone want?
RACHEL
And work?
DAN
Work is good. I am now Chief
Analyst for the European section
and next year I want to be
Director of Finance.
RACHEL
Is that likely?
DAN
I normally get what I want,
unless I...
(hesitant)
...mess up big time.
RACHEL
I don't suppose that's very
likely.
DAN
Hmm. What about you, still
with...
RACHEL
Bowharp and Bowharp. Still
hacking up to London every day,
but not for much longer.
DAN
So I heard. You're getting
hitched. Tell me about your bloke
then. What's his name?
RACHEL
Jack.
DAN
(with weird intonation)
Ja-ack.
RACHEL
Why did you say it like that?
DAN
I'm just trying to remember it.
RACHEL
He's a year younger than me. He's
a political scientist...
DAN
That's an oxymoron.
RACHEL
What do you mean?
DAN
It's a contradiction of terms:
politics and science are not
natural bedfellows.
RACHEL
(good natured)
Shut up. He's sort of shy, when
you first meet him...
DAN
And then?
RACHEL
He can be quite abrasive because
he has strong opinions. You might
find him rude, but he isn't
really.
DAN
Where did you meet him?
RACHEL
Why?
DAN
I don't know, I just want to get
the whole picture, you know, in
my head, of you two coming
together - the fateful moment.
RACHEL
(brazening it out)
I met him on the Internet.
DAN
The Internet? That's not like,
real life, is it. You're joking.
RACHEL
No, I met him on the Internet.
What's the difference if I met
him in a bar or through an ad in
a newspaper? It's just another
way of meeting.
DAN
So you're in love with him.
RACHEL
Why not get straight to the
point? Don't spare my feelings or
anything.
DAN
We used to tell each other
everything - all the gory
details. You can tell me if you
love him.
RACHEL
Yuh, I think so. I suppose so, I
mean, it's different when you get
to thirty-five, isn't it.
DAN
Is it? Why?
RACHEL
Because, I don't know, you just
don't go around falling in love
like you did when you were
fifteen - it's a biological
thing. Now I just want to get
married and have a baby, so it's
more important that we're
compatible and enjoy each other's
company.
DAN
That sounds like a long-winded
way of saying 'no'.
RACHEL
It isn't - look, I do love him. I
like him, he's nice, he's kind,
we have a lot of fun together...
DAN
And you have this desperate urge
to get married and have a child.
RACHEL
Well, yes, if you put it like
that. The biological clock is
ticking away...
DAN
And he has a key that fits.
RACHEL
Okay, it doesn't sound very
romantic, I know, but how many
people do you know who seem to be
madly in love and then two or
three years later, it's all over?
Surely it's better to marry
someone you actually like and get
on with.
DAN
Maybe, it just sounds a bit
lukewarm, that's all.
RACHEL
Okay, when are you going to fall
in love and get married, Mister
Superior?
DAN
I'll never get married.
RACHEL
You will. You'll meet someone
who's right for you and then
you'll want to stop messing
around.
DAN
Maybe. But I sometimes wonder if
I've already met her and let her
go unwittingly.
(pause)
Let's change the subject: what
are you doing tonight?
RACHEL
I should go back to mum's and
spend the evening with them. Why?
DAN
Why not come out with me for a
few drinks around town. I'm only
here for one more night. You
never know, we might see some of
the old gang.
RACHEL
If they're still old and single,
like us, you mean.
DAN
Yeah.
RACHEL
I really should go back to mum's.
DAN
Come on, Rach, you can see your
mum any time, but this is our
last chance together for... for
ever, maybe.
RACHEL
That's horrible - why did you say
that?
DAN
For emphasis.
RACHEL
Okay, but I'm not going dressed
like this. I'll go home and get
changed first. Come on, let's go
back inside.
DAN
(stops her and puts his
hand on her back; it
wanders down)
Look, look! He's dancing with
aunt Rose now! Watch his hand,
watch his hand!
Lights down.
ACT ONE: SCENE TWO
Lights up. Dan's hotel room. Rachel and Dan enter, quite
drunk after their night on the town.
RACHEL
God, what a laugh. I thought he
was going to hit you.
DAN
Well, he started it. He said he
thought I was thick when I was at
school.
RACHEL
And you replied?
DAN
Who's been divorced twice and is
living on welfare? It's a fair
question. Do you remember him
from school?
RACHEL
I do, but there was no way I ever
fancied him, like he thought. He
kept going on about, didn't he:
"I used to really fancy you at
school."
DAN
You see what you missed - you
could have been one of his two
divorces.
RACHEL
God, imagine that. Married and
divorced twice before you're
thirty. How many children did he
say he had?
DAN
Five, and "I support them all you
know."
(looking in mini-bar)
Drinks - whisky, gin, white wine
vinegar, probably.
RACHEL
Maybe I shouldn't have any more.
DAN
Go on - it will help you calm
down.
RACHEL
(holding out her hand)
I've stopped shaking.
DAN
Your face was white when you
arrived. I wondered what had
happened to you.
RACHEL
Well, it scared me. I was driving
back from the hotel to mum's -
you know the road that goes past
the golf club - and I just see
this dog, or something, run out
in front of me. If there'd been a
car coming the other way, I would
have hit it head on, because I
swerved right across the road.
He sits down next to her with the drinks and pats her leg.
She puts her legs across his lap.
DAN
But you're alright now?
RACHEL
Yes, thanks. Cheers.
DAN
Cheers.
RACHEL
It's great seeing you again.
DAN
And you.
(pause)
Ah, it's weird being back. It
seems like a dream.
RACHEL
What does?
DAN
My family. The past. When you
move away, everything becomes
faint and insubstantial, almost
as if you only imagined it, and
then when you come back, you're
flooded with sensations and
experiences that bring it all
back. Memories...
RACHEL
Good ones, though.
DAN
Mostly. Mostly of you.
RACHEL
Why me?
DAN
We were the closest, weren't we.
RACHEL
I suppose so, because we lived
closer and when your dad was in
hospital, you lived at our house
most of the time.
DAN
I meant emotionally closer.
RACHEL
Suzanne and I were best friends.
I see a lot of her these days.
She often takes the same train
into London, so we have a chat.
Their marriage is on the rocks.
DAN
Another one.
RACHEL
Who else's.
DAN
I thought they all were.
RACHEL
Whose?
DAN
All of them.
RACHEL
Of course they're not. Who else's
- tell me.
DAN
I just assume that all marriages
are on the rocks.
RACHEL
That's just you, and your
jaundiced attitude. Our parents
are all still together.
DAN
But at what cost? We know what
they got up to, don't we?
RACHEL
Well, that was a long time ago.
They didn't have much fun, did
they? They were all married with
kids by the age of twenty.
It's not surprising if they all
went a bit wild when the Sixties
came along and everybody else
seemed to be free. Maybe that's
what kept them together.
DAN
Illicit sex.
RACHEL
A bit of fun.
Silence. Dan looks serious.
RACHEL (cont'd)
What's up? Why are you so
serious?
DAN
I don't think I can come to your
wedding.
RACHEL
(concerned)
Oh, why not? Can't you get away
from work?
DAN
No, it's not that, it's...
RACHEL
What?
DAN
I don't think I could bear to see
you marrying someone else.
RACHEL
Who else would I marry?
DAN
I'd find it very hard to accept
that you'd gone for ever.
RACHEL
What are you talking about, gone
forever? You know where I'll be.
You can come and see us whenever
you want.
DAN
I didn't mean that. I meant, the
thought of losing you forever,
that I would never be able to...
to have you. I would never be
able to have you, as opposed to
somebody else.
RACHEL
(sitting up)
Do you mean 'have', as in have?
DAN
Yes. I mean that I love you.
RACHEL
And I love you. We're like
brother and sister.
DAN
But that's just the point - we're
not brother and sister, we're
only cousins and there's nothing
to stop us being together, if we
want to be - if you want to be.
RACHEL
Dan, I've never thought of you in
that way and I never would.
You're my cousin.
DAN
I'm the first boy you kissed,
remember.
RACHEL
Oh that! That was just a dare. We
were only twelve, messing around.
DAN
I know, but I can't forget it,
and after that my feelings for
you just grew stronger. That was
why I wanted to be with you all
the time. I loved it when we
walked around arm in arm, and you
put your arm around my neck, like
you did tonight. I love your
smell, your eyes, the sound of
your voice. When I saw you again
today and you hugged me, it
overwhelmed me. It's something I
can't explain, a feeling so deep
inside me that I can't stop it.
It overpowers me and makes me...
it makes me happy. You make me
happy and I know that I'm in love
with you.
RACHEL
But you can't be, it's not...
DAN
It's not what? Natural? Legal? It
happens all the time and it's not
illegal. There's nothing to stop
us if we want to, and I want to.
RACHEL
Come on, you're drunk. You
wouldn't be saying this
otherwise. Go to bed and you'll
have forgotten it by the morning.
DAN
I won't have forgotten it. That's
just the point, that I can't
forget you. That's the reason I
ran away to New York, so that I
didn't have to see you all the
time, with other men. And while I
was there I dated lots of women
but none of them satisfied me
because all the time I'm with
them, I'm thinking of you. They
seem somehow insubstantial,
unreal - they don't smell right,
their bodies don't seem as soft
as yours. I long to touch you,
and hold you, to make you happy.
I think, I could make you happy.
RACHEL
(stands up)
Dan, don't say anything else. I
didn't know about this and it's
come as a shock to me. I just
think of us as cousins.
DAN
So you don't feel the same about
me?
RACHEL
Well, I love you, obviously, I've
told you that, but I don't fancy
you, to put it crudely.
DAN
But we both love each other.
RACHEL
Yes, but not in a sexual way. I
love you like I love my mum, my
dad, my dog.
DAN
(groans)
How can you compare me to your
dog?
RACHEL
It's an analogy. I meant that I
love my dog, but I don't want to
have sex with it, that's all.
DAN
You didn't mention Jack in that
list.
RACHEL
Well, I love Jack, and we have
sex, and we're going to have
children together. He's not my
cousin.
DAN
Why do you keep talking about
cousins - that doesn't matter. If
two people love each other, they
love each other. Einstein married
his cousin.
RACHEL
Well, that's another kind of
relativity, I suppose.
DAN
You see, I even love your sense
of humour. We have fun together,
we joke, we get along.
RACHEL
All of that is true, but that
doesn't mean I want to marry you,
or even hop into bed with you.
Dan, go back down to that bar and
pull that girl who was giving you
the eye, and forget about all
this madness.
DAN
Admit that you don't love him.
RACHEL
I do love him.
DAN
You said earlier that you liked
him, you got on well, that he was
a companion. You said he was
'shy', by which you mean boring.
It sounds like the only thing
he's got going for him is that
he's a good sperm donor who'll
provide for his offspring. What's
the good of that?
RACHEL
(getting up and picking
up her coat)
Jack is a good man and I'm not
going to stand here and listen to
you run him down. You don't even
know him.
DAN
Okay, but answer me this: does he
love you like I do?
RACHEL
I don't know - yes, probably.
DAN
Probably? Has he told you that?
Does he show it every day in lots
of little ways?
RACHEL
He loves me, he loves me, he
loves me - I know that he loves
me. He doesn't have to show it
every minute of the day. That
would be oppressive and stifling.
I wouldn't want him to.
DAN
I bet he doesn't ring you every
morning. Remember when I first
moved to New York, I used to ring
you every day when I woke up to
tell you how I was getting on.
But really I just wanted to hear
your voice. I had to hear your
voice and imagine your face, and
after that I could do anything.
Do you think he feels like that
about you?
RACHEL
No, but that's abnormal.
DAN
It's not abnormal. It's called
love. How many people really feel
that? It's special and when you
find it, you shouldn't throw it
away.
RACHEL
Dan, I'm sorry that you feel that
way about me. I've honestly done
nothing to encourage you, and if
you think I have, I'm sorry.
DAN
You don't have to encourage me.
You just have to be who you are.
You see, it's simple: I love you,
and I always will do.
RACHEL
I'm going now.
DAN
(grabbing hold of her)
Don't go. Stay with me.
RACHEL
(trying to pull herself
free)
I'm not staying with you. It's
crazy.
DAN
You can't say you don't feel
anything for me.
RACHEL
(pushing him away)
Dan, don't ruin our friendship.
DAN
Don't marry Jack.
RACHEL
Of course I'm going to marry
Jack.
DAN
You'll live to regret it.
RACHEL
I'm doing what is right, and I
won't regret that. What you're
asking me to do is wrong - every
instinct in my body tells me
that, and it should you. When you
can't have something, you can't
have it, and you just have to put
it out your mind.
(walking back to him and
touching his chest)
Dan, if you care about me like
you say you do, you'll forget
about this, like I will.
I'll never refer to it again, so
let's pretend it never happened.
(pause)
I still want you to come to my
wedding.
DAN
(turning away)
No, I can't. I can't.
Lights down.
ACT ONE: SCENE THREE
Lights up.
Rachel and Frank's house, two years later. Rachel is on the
sofa; she seems serious and concerned. Jack comes in.
JACK
Oh, you're back.
RACHEL
(hesitant)
Ye-es, I left early. I had a
headache.
He walks up behind her and puts his arms over her shoulders
and kisses the top of the head. Her response seems a bit
cool.
JACK
Are you okay now?
RACHEL
I took a painkiller.
JACK
Is that alright?
RACHEL
It doesn't matter. I'm not
pregnant.
Jack sits down next to her.
JACK
(tenderly)
Oh, no.
(pause)
How do you know?
She passes him a letter.
JACK (cont'd)
Does that mean your test was
wrong?
RACHEL
So it seems. Home-test kits are
not one-hundred percent reliable.
JACK
What about your period?
RACHEL
I missed a period. It's happened
before.
JACK
Do you think you could have been
pregnant and lost it?
RACHEL
How do I know? I don't know
anything anymore. It's getting me
down so much, thinking about it
all the time.
Jack sits next to her and comforts her.
JACK
Don't be like that. You will
conceive eventually. We just have
to keep trying.
RACHEL
I'm even sick of that: having to
have sex every night at ten
o'clock with your balls at
exactly the right temperature. Oh
god, I don't know. Maybe you need
to be tested.
JACK
Me?
RACHEL
Well, it does take two to make a
baby and I'm producing eggs every
month.
JACK
Except for last month, obviously.
RACHEL
You might have a low sperm count.
That might be the reason. If I
arrange it, will you have the
test?
JACK
Of course. What do I have to do.
RACHEL
Well, just wank in a pot I
suppose and then rush it around
there before it goes cold.
JACK
(jokily)
I could do it there.
RACHEL
What, in the path lab? I'm sure
they'd enjoy that.
JACK
Well, I would.
RACHEL
I'm sure you would, you pervert.
JACK
Maybe you can help me.
RACHEL
I'm not helping you. I told you,
it's put me off sex, trying all
the bloody time. It's like having
to eat when you're not hungry:
all it does is make you bloated.
JACK
Except it doesn't.
RACHEL
Ha ha. Anyway, how was your day?
JACK
Well, where shall I start? We've
lost thirty percent of our
funding, the Dean is taking early
retirement, Alan has got a post
in Australia, and Miranda
announced that she is pregnant
and is taking maternity leave,
so...
Rachel buries her head in her hands and appears to be
crying.
JACK (cont'd)
What's the matter?
(no reply)
Rach, what's up? Is it Miranda?
I'm sorry, I...
RACHEL
Don't tell me things like that.
Why do you think I don't have any
magazines in the house? Because I
can't stand reading about all
those happy couples, celebrities
and their lovely babies, cooing
and grinning at me from their
lovely houses and their perfect
lives.
JACK
We're happy, aren't we?
RACHEL
Yes, but you can't understand how
this affects me, thinking about
it all the time, wondering if
I'll get pregnant this month,
looking at every pregnant woman I
see and wondering what her secret
is, avoiding the baby section in
the supermarket, trying to avoid
walking past Mothercare.
JACK
We're both trying to have a baby,
you know - not just you.
RACHEL
(wiping her eyes)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry - it's
selfish of me. I should think of
you more. I'm sorry about your
job. What's going to happen?
JACK
I really don't know. They will
slowly wind the department down
until we all have to find another
job, I suppose.
RACHEL
How easy will that be?
JACK
Not easy. I could try and go to
America, I suppose but I would
need to write more about American
politics before I even apply.
It's a long route, but if I start
now, I could start applying in
about nine months.
RACHEL
Nine months...
JACK
Sorry.
(brightening)
Oh, I saw your mum today.
Apparently, your cousin Dan is
moving back here. Maybe I will
get to meet the mysterious
stranger after all.
RACHEL
He's coming here?
JACK
Well, not here here - he's being
transferred to London, so I
suppose he'll buy himself a
swanky apartment by the river. I
hope that I get to meet him,
since you've told me so much
about him. I'm starting to think
that he's avoiding me.
RACHEL
(angrily)
Don't be stupid!
JACK
I was joking! But I do find it a
bit strange that he missed our
wedding and he's been back in the
country three times since and
hasn't been to see us. I mean,
you told me how close you are,
so...
RACHEL
He's busy with work, I suppose.
JACK
But if I only had one cousin...
RACHEL
(interrupting him,
irritated)
Okay, just forget it will you.
I'll invite him down when he gets
back and then you can meet him.
JACK
Maybe we can invite him the same
time as my sister comes to stay.
They might like each other.
RACHEL
I doubt it.
JACK
Why?
RACHEL
She's not his type.
JACK
Who is his type?
RACHEL
She's too spikey, too left-wing
for him.
JACK
Is he soggy and right-wing then?
RACHEL
No, but he's been out with a lot
of girls so - he probably won't
fancy her.
JACK
If he's been out with a lot of
girls, he's more likely to fancy
her.
RACHEL
I meant that he might find her
challenging.
JACK
You make her sound like a
harridan: she isn't, she's quiet
really.
RACHEL
Okay, okay, it doesn't matter. I
just don't like match-making. It
always goes awry, doesn't it?
JACK
That's how we met.
RACHEL
Okay, it often goes awry.
Lights down.
ACT TWO: SCENE ONE
Lights up. At the dinner table - Dan, Rachel, Jack, and
Jack's sister, Annie. Several empty wine bottles; they all
seem quite drunk and are arguing vociferously, talking over
the top of each other, apart from Rachel, who is quiet.
ANNIE
(to Dan)
No - fuck - come on, you said...
DAN
I didn't say anything - you
implied it.
ANNIE
No, you said that you thought it
was okay for banks...
DAN
You're putting words in my mouth
now. I never said it was okay, I
just said that they were invited
in by governments of developing
countries...
ANNIE
No, no - what you actually said
was, "it's okay if a bank goes
into a developing country to..."
JACK
Exploit them.
DAN
That's your word, not mine. I
said it's okay because all
sophisticated societies have
provision for finance and
investment.
JACK
Usury is still illegal in Muslim
countries, and historically in
many...
DAN
Okay, okay - let me ask you
this...
ANNIE
All they do is go in, right...
DAN
(holding his hand up in
a gesture of silence)
No, hang on, let me ask Jack
this...
ANNIE
Don't hold your hand up to me
like that. I won't be silenced.
DAN
I'm not silencing you. I was in
the middle of asking a question
and you interrupted me.
ANNIE
What does that mean then?
(mimics the hand-up
gesture)
You're directing the traffic?
DAN
You know what it means.
ANNIE
Exactly. You don't understand how
to have a debate on something.
You just want to shout your
opponent down.
DAN
Right, I'm sorry I did that. I
shouldn't have done it. Now can I
ask my question?
(all silent; pause;
calmly)
You are right that Muslim
countries condemn usury, but
where do you think they borrow
their money? From Mister Generous
here.
(pointing at his chest)
I get a steady stream of
businessmen from the Middle East -
Dubai, Oman, Saudi Arabia, you
name it - coming through my door
and borrowing money - at interest
- in order to fund their
businesses. And in any complex
society...
JACK
You can't just say that primitive
societies weren't complex because
they didn't lend money with
interest.
DAN
I'm not saying that. I'm saying
the opposite: that all complex
societies lend money with
interest.
ANNIE
It's an insult to say that a
primitive society is not complex.
That's just a hangover from the
colonial period, you know, where
you say something is primitive so
that you can justify all kinds of
interventions into their society
in order to plunder their
resources.
DAN
No it isn't. It's a value-free,
objective description. Look it up
in the dictionary - Rach, have
you got a dictionary?
ANNIE
I don't need a fucking dictionary
to know what primitive means,
thank you.
JACK
I can tell you exactly what it
means: primitive means...
Jack searches his head for definition.
DAN
It means simple, which is the
opposite of complex.
ANNIE
Not quite.
DAN
What do you mean, 'not quite'? Of
course it's opposite.
ANNIE
Sim-plex would be the opposite of
com-plex.
DAN
Oh, and comple would be the
opposite of simple, would it?
RACHEL
(laughs)
My life has become so comple.
JACK
Primitive means, fundamental,
original - it doesn't imply not
complex.
DAN
'Doesn't imply not'? That's a
double negative. You're just
playing with words now. It's
degenerating into an argument
over semantics. We all know what
we mean by a primitive society.
ANNIE
But that is exactly the
designation that Jack and I are
opposing: just because a society
is primitive does not mean it is
simple. They have sophisticated
languages, complex symbolic
orders, religions, oral histories
and stories, science, kinship
systems...
DAN
They don't have science, in the
modern Western sense.
ANNIE
But that's defining science as
what we do, and everything anyone
anybody else does is not science.
It's a subtle form of racism.
DAN
Are you calling me a racist?
ANNIE
(smiling, pleased with
herself)
No, I'm saying that to deny
science to primitive societies is
a form of racism.
DAN
But there's science and science.
It's like saying they have cars
because they've got a wheel. It's
a totally different thing.
JACK
What about Chinese science? Their
science was superior to ours for
two thousand years, until the
seventeenth century at least.
DAN
I agree with you there. But they
are not a primitive society -
they've been a complex society
for two thousand years or more.
Actually I know a joke about
that... no, come on, let's calm
down a bit. Right, how does it
go? Okay, I've got it - you have
to say it right: the wheelbarrow
is a Chinese invention. It was
invented in the seventh century
but took seven hundred years to
reach Europe.
Nobody laughs.
DAN (cont'd)
Do you get it?
ANNIE
Is that a joke?
DAN
Yuh, this little Coolie, with his
wheelbarrow - it took him seven
hundred years to get to Europe.
JACK
Coolie?
DAN
Chinaman, then.
ANNIE
(head in hands)
Chinaman?
RACHEL
(laughs)
Oh, I get it. That's quite funny,
actually. I can see this picture
of a map, like Marco Polo, and
this little man with a
wheelbarrow starting out from
China and heading for Europe.
(Rachel walks the little
man across the table
with her finger)
Wheeeeee...
ANNIE
(not unfriendly)
God, that joke was so bad.
RACHEL
It made me laugh. Can we stop
arguing now.
ANNIE
We're not arguing, Rachel. We're
discussing something. It's just
not possible to say that
primitive societies are not
complex.
DAN
There is a difference.
ANNIE
What's simple about language,
numbers, incest prohibitions,
mythology?
DAN
What incest prohibitions?
ANNIE
Well, that you can't marry your
sister, or anyone in your family.
DAN
There have been lots of societies
in which you can marry your own
sister. In fact, in some of them
it was mandatory.
JACK
That's true. Egypt was one.
DAN
Not only Egypt, but Mesopotamia,
the Andes, Bali, Papua New
Guinea, Polynesia - Haiwai, even,
until recently.
ANNIE
Regardless of what the rules are,
the fact that they have rules
makes them a complex society.
DAN
I suppose it all comes down to
what definition of complex you
want to use. For example,
everyone would agree that we're a
complex society, but here you're
allowed to marry your cousin.
so...
RACHEL
(uncomfortable; rising
from the table)
I'm going to start clearing these
dishes away. I'll put some music
on.
JACK
Put on that CD that Annie gave
us. What's it called?
RACHEL
[names CD] - have you heard it,
Dan?
DAN
No. Cousins...
JACK
How did we get from usury to
incest?
DAN
Complexity. We're never going to
agree, are we?
JACK
It's not a case of agreeing -
we're just exploring the ideas.
Annie and I are on one side, and
you're on the other.
ANNIE
(joking - punching the
air)
Yeah! And you're the class enemy.
You globaliser!
DAN
Actually, there's one great thing
about globalisation.
JACK
What's that?
DAN
Wherever you go in the world,
you're assured of the same
protesters.
ANNIE
I was in Seattle.
DAN
I was in New York.
ANNIE
Protesting?
DAN
Working. Some of us have to work,
to support the protesters.
ANNIE
I work.
DAN
I thought you said you were a
volunteer.
ANNIE
I work for a charity.
DAN
It was just the word charity. It
made me think you didn't work. So
what were you protesting about?
ANNIE
The World Bank and the WTO.
DAN
I support free markets.
JACK
Liberality for the wolves means
death for the lambs. A free-for
all is only free for some, and
they're the powerful. You need
controls. It's like incest, which
you seem to know so much about. I
didn't realise that you were an
anthropologist as well as a
banker.
DAN
What, I'm not allowed to know
about anything except banking?
How liberal of you.
JACK
Why incest?
DAN
It's my hobby.
Silence.
DAN (cont'd)
Now there's a conversation
stopper.
(pause)
So Annie, what's your job?
ANNIE
Fund-raiser.
DAN
Out shaking the tin can, eh?
ANNIE
Metaphorically. And you?
DAN
Well, I was Chief Analyst for
European investments, but since
I've moved back here, I'm not
sure what I'm doing. I'm
inbetween roles, as they say.
ANNIE
Being investigated, probably.
DAN
Why do you say that?
ANNIE
I just have this image of
banking, that they are all dodgy
geezers out to make a fast buck
at the expense of the poor, the
weak, and the less-informed.
Clever, creative people driven by
greed.
DAN
No, you're so wrong. Honestly,
honestly... it would genuinely
upset me if you thought about me
like that.
(offers her his hand)
Come on, let's be friends. Come
on, come on...
She shakes his hand and he, drunkenly, won't let it go.
ANNIE
So you're one of the good guys...
I'm glad about that. What was it
dad used to say? Anyone who...
JACK
Anyone who has to ask a banker
for investment advice, should be
advised not to invest.
DAN
(let's go of her hand)
Sound advice, and it's probably
true.
But the people I deal with
already know what they want to do
with our money - I just have to
decide whether we should let
them. You can't do anything
without money, can you?
ANNIE
Lots. Everything, in fact. Money
is a means that comes along after
the fact - it facilitates, but it
can't stop you.
DAN
You really believe that?
ANNIE
Why would I say it if I didn't
really believe it?
DAN
But you're a fund-raiser and you
don't believe in money.
ANNIE
The money is not fundamental.
What's fundamental is the desire
and ambition to change the world.
All you money people have got it
the wrong way round - you put the
cart before the horse. You've
managed to brainwash most of
society into believing your
religion.
DAN
Which is?
JACK
Materialism: that what matters
most is things, and having
things, and having more things,
for time everafter, amen.
DAN
But why are you blaming me?
ANNIE
Because you defend them: you're a
banker wanker.
RACHEL
(returning to the table)
That's not a nice thing to say.
(throwing arm
protectively around
Dan's neck)
Leave him alone.
ANNIE
We're only teasing him. In our
house, you had to be able to
defend yourself else my dad made
mincemeat of you.
JACK
He was a staunch socialist of the
old school.
RACHEL
That's no reason to be rude to
Dan.
DAN
Would you describe yourself as a
socialist, Annie?
ANNIE
No. I believe in the human spirit
and the unquenchable desire for
freedom, justice, and happiness.
That encompasses all those other
arguments about capitalism and
exploitation.
DAN
You're a humanist.
ANNIE
No, because I believe in the
spirit, something bigger than us
that we only get a glimpse of.
RACHEL
I believe that, too.
JACK
Well, it's obvious that we can
never know everything, and the
more we know, the more we know
how little we know... or
something like that.
RACHEL
I saw this program about a tribe
in South America who make all the
major decisions about the tribe
using dreams. There are these
special people, like fortune
tellers, who have dreams in which
they see what the tribe should
do.
ANNIE
(puts her hand on
Rachel's)
Oh I saw that - the old woman who
lived in that hut and never came
out.
RACHEL
No, it was a man.
ANNIE
(withdrawing her hand)
Oh. Well, I believe that too.
DAN
It's not scientific.
ANNIE
Neither's love.
DAN
It probably is - we just don't
understand the mechanism. When
two people see each other, it
could just be their genes saying,
"I really need that person's
genes to match up with mine so
that my offspring are strong and
will survive."
JACK
(getting up)
Shall we go in the lounge?
RACHEL
Okay, I'll make a coffee.
Jack and Annie leave.
RACHEL (cont'd)
Sorry about that. They were
picking on you.
DAN
Don't worry about it - I can hold
my own. Anyway, she's nice. I
like feisty women - they're
challenging.
No reply.
DAN (cont'd)
You were very quiet tonight. Is
anything the matter?
RACHEL
I don't want to talk about it.
I'll tell you later.
DAN
You can tell me now.
RACHEL
No, it doesn't matter.
DAN
Is it to do with me?
RACHEL
No, don't be silly. Why would it
be to do with you?
DAN
I haven't seen you since that
night. You didn't reply to my
emails.
RACHEL
You didn't come to my wedding.
What was I to think?
DAN
You know how we left it. We'd
never mention it again.
RACHEL
So why are you talking about it?
DAN
Because you said we'd carry on as
normal and then you don't answer
my emails.
RACHEL
And you don't come to see us when
you visit England.
DAN
You know why that is.
RACHEL
No.
DAN
I don't like to see you with...
RACHEL
Stop it! Don't say that. Why did
you come tonight then?
DAN
I wanted to ask you something.
Rachel looks fearful of what he will say.
RACHEL
Not that - not that again, Dan.
DAN
No, not that.
RACHEL
(holds his hand)
Good. We can be friends again. I
need you. I need to talk to
someone.
DAN
You know you can always talk to
me.
RACHEL
Yes. I know that. What was it?
DAN
What?
RACHEL
(still squeezing his
hand)
The thing - you want - you wanted
to ask.
DAN
(puts his other hand on
top of hers)
I, um, I - spoke to your mum.
RACHEL
(freezes)
What about?
DAN
We were just talking about the
family, gran and grandad, my mum.
She showed me your wedding photos
and while I was looking at them,
something struck me that I'd
never noticed before, when they
were all young I mean.
RACHEL
What?
DAN
I noticed how different my mum
and your mum were. When they were
young, they looked the same, but
I think that was all down to
fashion - same hairstyles,
clothes, make-up. But as they've
got older, they've become
different. I just...
RACHEL
What did you?
DAN
...pointed it out to her. And she
told me something.
RACHEL
She told you?
DAN
Yes.
RACHEL
Oh, god. It doesn't change
anything.
DAN
You're not my cousin.
RACHEL
We still have the same
relationship.
DAN
When I asked you, in my hotel
room, did you know then that your
mum was adopted?
RACHEL
Of course.
DAN
Why didn't you tell me?
RACHEL
Because it doesn't change
anything. We grew up alongside
each other, as cousins; that's
how I think of you - as a cousin.
Just because I discovered when I
was eighteen that mum was
adopted, didn't change how I felt
about you, because our
relationship was already formed.
DAN
But it makes sense now.
RACHEL
It's all the same.
DAN
No. That I feel...
Rachel doesn't want to hear this.
RACHEL
No!
DAN
That I feel so much love for you.
RACHEL
Dan, stop it.
She stands up but he grabs her wrist.
DAN
My animal instincts - I must have
known that you weren't related to
me. You see, it's natural -
there's nothing to stop us now,
if we want to.
Pulls herself away.
RACHEL
I'm married... I...
She stands at the sideboard with her head buried in her
arms, repeating, "I'm married, I...". Dan walks up behind
her and rubs her back reassuringly. Then he holds the back
of her neck in a gesture that is at once loving and
possessive/threatening.
DAN
You're married but you're not in
love.
RACHEL
(sobbing)
I'm married... to a man...
Jack walks into the room and watches them. Neither of them
see him.
DAN
There, there... don't get upset.
I'm here for you.
RACHEL
(sobbing uncontrollably
now)
I'm married to a man who's
sterile. I'll never have a baby
now. Never, never, never.
DAN
Oh, come on.
He pulls her up and she turns around and lets him hug her.
Lights down.
ACT TWO: SCENE TWO
Lights up. Jack and Rachel alone.
RACHEL
You were mean to him.
JACK
He should be able to have an
argument and defend his position.
RACHEL
You called him a wanker.
JACK
I never called him a wanker: it
was Annie, and she was joking.
You know what she's like. I told
you what she was like beforehand.
Anyway, I think he likes her.
RACHEL
Of course he doesn't like her,
after what she said to him.
JACK
He was enjoying it - you could
tell. He was laughing inside. He
was winding her up as much as she
was winding him up. It was just a
game.
RACHEL
Well, I didn't like it. It ruined
the evening.
JACK
It did not. He's perfectly able
to defend himself. He's very well
read... on some subjects.
RACHEL
Yes, but it was wrong to...
She pauses, as if she's not sure what it was wrong to.
JACK
(finishing her sentence)
...tell him about us. Why did you
do that?
RACHEL
I was upset.
JACK
That's between you and me - it's
our problem.
RACHEL
I needed to talk to somebody and
he's always been close to me.
JACK
(simultaneous with
Rachel)
...always been close to me. So
you keep saying. Can't you speak
to your mother, your aunt,
someone at work, one of your
female cousins - me, even? Why
does it have to be him?
RACHEL
Because, he knows me.
JACK
Do you know what I think?
RACHEL
Go on.
JACK
I think he fancies you.
RACHEL
Don't be ridiculous! What a
stupid thing to say. He's my
cousin.
JACK
So - he's got that one covered,
with his little kinship theory.
RACHEL
He does not fancy me.
JACK
He's never made a pass at you, or
spoken about it?
RACHEL
No! Of course not. Anyway, it's
how I feel about him that
matters, not the other way round.
JACK
So he has said something?
RACHEL
No.
JACK
What about when you were young?
Did anything happen then?
RACHEL
Well, we played Dare, like all
kids do. We snogged once, but I
was about eleven, for god's sake.
Why are you so suspicious? Don't
you trust me?
JACK
Yes, but I'm sorry, I don't trust
him.
RACHEL
Why, because he's a banker, and
he's succesful, and he has a good
job?
JACK
Thanks for reminding me.
RACHEL
Well, how can you say you don't
trust him? I wouldn't say that
about your sister - it's... it's
insulting to me and my family.
JACK
Let's not make this a family
issue.
RACHEL
You did, not me. You said that
you didn't trust my cousin. What
am I supposed to do with that?
Never see him again?
JACK
Well, don't take any notice of
what I say. I'm just a sterile,
unemployed nobody.
RACHEL
Jack, you're not a nobody. You'll
find another job soon...
JACK
But I'll always be sterile.
RACHEL
There are other ways.
JACK
Which involve other men.
RACHEL
Not necessarily - we could adopt
a child.
JACK
It won't be your child though.
You want to have your own baby,
not someone else's. You won't be
satisfied until you've got
pregnant. Maybe you should ask
him to...
RACHEL
Why do you keep going on about
Dan? He's nothing to do with us.
JACK
You're close to him. You told him
about me. He wants you.
RACHEL
He doesn't want me. We're close,
yes, but that's because we're
cousins. We're only close like
you and Annie are. We grew up
together and shared our
experiences, he knows me well,
and we can talk easily to each
other. But that's all, honestly,
that's all.
Lights down.
ACT TWO: SCENE THREE
Lights up. A dimly-lit wine bar in London. Dan and Rachel
are sat close together, drinking. Their conversation is
slightly hysterical, animated by the fact that Dan knows he
is closing in on his prey and Rachel knows she is close to
submitting.
RACHEL
It's like - it's, I don't know, I
really don't know what to do for
him. He just sits there all day,
brooding, saying, "What have I
done with my life?" As if it's
his fault.
DAN
It's obviously not.
RACHEL
Of course. Of course it's not his
fault. People get made redundant
all of the time.
He just has to try harder and
start applying for more jobs. I
even tried to help him, by going
to all the academic sites looking
for positions but he resents me
helping him. He sits there...
DAN
Resenting you.
RACHEL
Yeah. Yeah! He resents me, but
I'm the one trying to help him.
DAN
You're the one who's stood by.
RACHEL
Stood by him. I have, and now, I
don't understand why he pushes me
away, because...
DAN
He pushes you away.
RACHEL
Away! There's all this aggression
that I can feel from him. Maybe
it's because...
DAN
Because you can't.
RACHEL
Because we can't have...
DAN
Have a baby, or...
RACHEL
Or he just feels useless because
I earn the money now but if it
was...
DAN
The other way round, you would...
RACHEL
Pleased, I would, be, that he was
supporting me. I wouldn't
resent...
DAN
Why would you? It's mad. At least
it's not what you'd expect and...
RACHEL
Yuh, he's just drinking all day
and when I come in he's
already...
DAN
Drunk, probably. That's why...
RACHEL
That's why he's so aggressive
towards me as if I've done
something wrong all the time,
but...
DAN
You haven't.
RACHEL
...I've tried to help him, to
pull him out of the jam he's in,
because...
DAN
Everyone gets in a jam sometimes.
You just need self-belief and
friends.
RACHEL
He has people around him, but, I
don't know, he pushes them away.
DAN
That's the worst thing - to push
too far - to push away.
RACHEL
Yuh, and I get so lonely because
I want to help him but he won't
let me touch him or suggest...
DAN
Suggest? What? What? Suggest
what?
RACHEL
Anything. Like there's a barrier
of silence when I speak to him.
Like...
DAN
That must be horrible.
RACHEL
It is, you know it's not like
speaking to a normal human being
any more, like...
DAN
Like we do.
RACHEL
Yeah, yeah! Just like we're doing
now - it's ebb...
DAN
And flow.
RACHEL
And it all feels so natural,
because we know each other, I
think. I mean - what do I mean? I
mean, there's some barrier of
communication that I can't jump
over...
DAN
Or get around.
RACHEL
There's something blocking us.
DAN
What about...
RACHEL AND DAN
(together)
Counselling.
Long pause.
DAN
You could try that.
RACHEL
We could try that.
DAN
It's worth a try.
RACHEL
But he wouldn't go, because...
DAN
He's too resentful.
RACHEL
I don't know any more, what to
do.
DAN
What can you do?
RACHEL
Nothing. I can leave him. But I
can't.
DAN
You could see someone.
RACHEL
A counsellor.
DAN
A solicitor.
RACHEL
No, I can't. He needs me. I'm
worried about him. What if he did
something?
DAN
Like, what like?
RACHEL AND DAN
(together)
Suicide.
RACHEL
No - he wouldn't do that.
DAN
He wouldn't do that.
RACHEL
Would he?
DAN
Would he?
RACHEL
No. I'm sure. Listen, I've got to
go. I'll ring you tomorrow.
DAN
Don't go now - wait.
RACHEL
I can't - I've got to go back to
him.
She shakes her head despairingly. Dan holds her close and
she buries her head on his shoulder.
DAN
You know, sometimes you just make
mistakes in life. You think that
you do things for the right
reason, but you don't. They turn
out wrong.
And then you have to have the
strength to admit your mistake
and rectify it. I can't advise
you what to do but, Rach, I can't
stand to see you like this.
RACHEL
But there's no-one else I can
talk to at the moment and if I
don't talk to anyone I'll just
bottle it up inside and explode.
It's driving me insane.
She stands up to leave. He stands up as well.
DAN
You know where I am.
RACHEL
Yes.
DAN
And Rach...
(pause)
If he ever hurts you, I'll kill
him.
RACHEL
He wouldn't. I don't think he
would. No.
The have a confused embrace, almost too warm and then she
resists, then warm again.
Lights down.
ACT TWO: SCENE FOUR
Lights up. Rachel enters the house. Jack is slumped in an
armchair with the lights out. Rachel turns on the lights.
JACK
(aggressively)
No lights!
She is shocked.
RACHEL
You can't sit in the dark.
JACK
Turn them out!
RACHEL
I'll put the lamp on instead.
She turns the main light out and bumps her way towards the
lamp. Before she can find the lamp:
JACK
Where've you been?
RACHEL
We had an audit.
JACK
Who?
RACHEL
Work.
JACK
It's not the end of the year.
RACHEL
No, it was a three-monthly one.
Nine months.
She finds the lamp and turns it on.
JACK
Nine months?
RACHEL
Yes. They take stock of the
accounts every three months
throughout the financial year and
now it's the ninth month.
JACK
(grunts)
RACHEL
What have you been doing?
JACK
Thinking.
RACHEL
Any emails?
(no reply)
What about Keele? They were going
to ring you back.
(no reply)
Have you been out?
She touches his arm, sympathetically.
JACK
No.
RACHEL
Jack, you can't carry on like
this. You're making yourself
depressed. You need to do things,
to talk to people, not just sit
here all day brooding. You have
to get up and make your luck.
JACK
(sardonically)
Make - my - luck? How can I make
my luck? I can't make jobs
appear. I can't force myself to
the top of the candidate list. I
can't have more research papers
to my name than I have got. I
can't force people to interview
me, or talk to me, or even answer
my emails. How can I make my
luck?
RACHEL
I know that you can't change all
those things, but nothing will
come of anything, if you just sit
here like this, getting deeper
and deeper into...
JACK
Depression? Can't you say it?
RACHEL
No, you're not depressed. You
don't get depressed but you
shouldn't drink so much.
JACK
I'm good at it. It's the only
thing I am good at.
RACHEL
Look, you've got to stop thinking
like this. You've got to be
positive, think laterally. I
mean, have you thought about
doing something else?
JACK
The only other thing I can do is
drink.
RACHEL
You can write. You have good IT
skills. You could easily get a
job doing IT.
JACK
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. IT?
No, no, no. I'm a thinker, I work
with ideas, I use my brain.
RACHEL
I'm trying to help.
JACK
I know. You're trying to help me.
Maybe I could work in a bank, and
be like Dan, making lots of money
while ripping people off.
RACHEL
Don't bring Dan into this.
JACK
I didn't - you did.
RACHEL
I did?
JACK
You brought him into our
household.
RACHEL
(confused)
What?! What are you talking
about.
JACK
Annie phoned.
RACHEL
How is she?
JACK
She said that she'd seen you.
RACHEL
I haven't seen her.
JACK
She said that too: she - saw -
you, but - you - didn't - see -
her.
RACHEL
Where?
JACK
In a bar. A cosy little wine bar
in a cosy little back street
nowhere near the City.
RACHEL
Why didn't she speak to me?
JACK
You were with someone.
RACHEL
Who? Dan?
JACK
That's right. You were with Dan
and she didn't think she could
interrupt you because you were
deeply in... conversation. And
she said that you looked like you
didn't want to be interrupted.
RACHEL
That's silly. She should have
come and spoken to us.
JACK
I should have guessed that,
shouldn't I.
RACHEL
Guessed what?
JACK
That you, and him, were close.
RACHEL
I told you we were close. He's
like a brother to me.
JACK
I know about his little kinship
theories.
RACHEL
(standing up)
What are you... what do you mean?
JACK
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Everything is totally above board
and normal. There is nothing
strange going on at all. That's
the reason you never told me that
you'd 'bumped' into Dan on
several occasions, because there
was nothing to say about anything
at all.
RACHEL
Well, I...
JACK
Well you just thought that you
would lie that's all.
(standing up,
unsteadily)
I wonder why that would be?
RACHEL
Because, I meet Dan...
JACK
Yes, you meet Dan, we already
know that much.
RACHEL
I meet him to talk about things
and I thought you would get
upset.
JACK
What things?
RACHEL
Well, what's happening with us,
with your job...
JACK
I don't have a job.
RACHEL
You know what I mean.
JACK
No.
RACHEL
You do.
JACK
(Jack Nicholson)
I don't. You're confusing me. I
don't think I'm getting the whole
truth, or anything like the
truth. You meet Dan to discuss
things like me and you, my job,
your job, Dan's job, my
sterility, the fact that you
can't have a baby and you're
thirty-eight years old and time
is running out. And I wonder what
Dan's response to that is?
(sarcastically)
"You know, it's not illegal to
marry your cousin in this
country.
Maybe you should walk out on Jack
and come and live with me and
then we can have a baby together
in our little nest of incest."
(extreme violence)
Wouldn't that be nice!
RACHEL
Jack. You're imagining all this.
None of it is true.
JACK
Isn't it? Oh, I get it - I'm
behind the times. Maybe you two
have already done the dirty
deed...
RACHEL
Jack! Stop it!
He grabs her.
JACK
Maybe little Danny the
anthropologist is already fucking
my wife, his cousin, because he
knows that the only way she can
get up the spout is if he shafts
her, and he's been longing to do
that all his life. Watching - and
waiting - until she becomes
available. You tell me that isn't
true.
Holds her by her hair.
JACK (cont'd)
You tell me! Say it! It isn't
true.
RACHEL
It isn't true. You're hurting me -
let me go. It isn't true. I've
never done anything with him. I
never would. I love you, Jack, I
do love you. I'm trying to help
you.
JACK
Why the lies? Why the secrecy?
RACHEL
I don't know - it just didn't
feel right to tell you.
JACK
(mimicking
sarcastically)
'It just didn't feel right to
tell you.' You know why?
RACHEL
Let me go!
JACK
Do - you - know - why?
RACHEL
Why?
JACK
Because your instincts tell you
that what you are doing is wrong!
You are lying instinctively
because you know that you are in
love with your cousin.
RACHEL
No, no, no.
JACK
Yes, yes, yes. It's been obvious
for a long time. The first night
I saw you together, I knew that
he could hardly stop himself. And
that little scene in the kitchen,
remember? "I'm here for you." I
bet he is.
(grabs her between the
legs)
Is he here?
Rachel fights her way free and goes over to the other side
of the room.
RACHEL
You're wrong. Nothing has
happened. I'm close to him, but
not in that way. But how can I
live with you when you're like
this. It's destroying both of us,
slowly.
JACK
If you can't live with me, you'd
better go to him, hadn't you.
Tell him about us and how it's
all gone wrong. How my whole
fucking life has gone wrong. And
then he can gi